Cat Butt

Dear Inconsiderate Cat,
Why do you stick your butt on my things?
Do you always have to turn around and stick your butt in my face?
Must you brush your butt-hole over the top of my beverage, rendering it undrinkable?
Why must you insist on using the carpet as your toilet paper?
You smell.
Go lick yourself (but not lying next to my head in bed, please).